Class of 1984

Story: 3/5
Visuals: 5/5
# of students getting mutilated by teacher: 4/4
Overall: 4/5

I don’t pretend to know much about movies, so it shouldn’t strike anyone as a surprise when I say that I had never heard of Class of 1984 before Jason got the DVD. But when someone like Jason hasn’t even heard of a certain movie, then this should be cause for concern as to the quality of said film. However, as soon as I saw the DVD cover art I already sort of liked Class of 1984. I mean, look at it! How badass is that?! That guy’s Mohawk alone would have earned this movie a 5/5, but sadly none of the actual characters had a Mohawk like that – so I subtracted a point in the final rating.

But Class of 1984 was still awesome as hell. Seeing as how it predicts metal detectors in schools and students dealing drugs in between classes, I think that high school teachers can look forward to starting to bring guns for their own protection sometime in the near future. I also think that high school tough guys should go back to wearing torn shirts that are about 2-3 sizes too small for them. Their outfits might seem kind of gay at first, but wouldn’t having been violated by someone in that getup just add to the humiliation of the victim?

All in all, I believe that Class of 1984 actually made me glad to have chosen a career in academics because even if I end up teaching high school students in the depths of some metropolitan ghetto sometime in 2015, I can always count on severing "Drugstore" Tony’s hand with the buzz saw from workshop class to teach him a lesson about raping my wife.