Herbie: Fully Loaded

Story: 1/5
Visuals: 2/5
# of Breckin Meyers out of # Desired: 1/0
Overall: 1/5

Wow, okay, this was a bad fucking movie – and I'm not just saying that because it was a Disney movie about Nascar, starring Lindsay Lohan (although that should count as a legitimate reason to hate this shit bucket of a film). Unlike Jason, I didn't watch the movie "fully loaded," but I still had trouble understanding why the makers thought that audiences should find their creation worth watching.

Can I also say that Michael Keaton deserves another chance? He was Beetlegeuse and Batman, for God's sake! He is way better than this crappy movie. I would also like to add that we could have done without Breckin Meyer – he added nothing to the movie and when Jason told me that he was in the movie after we had watched it together, I seriously couldn't remember seeing him the first time around. It wasn't until I saw a few of the scenes again, while actually looking for the guy, that I noticed his presence. Okay, so maybe I was slightly intoxicated when I watched the movie the first time. That Bacardi 151 is strong stuff...

Let's see, what else... Lindsay Lohan, Michael Keaton, Butthole Meyer… oh yeah! Herbie is a complete cock-block! What the fuck, dude?! Just because Lindsay is handling your stick doesn't give you the right to ruin other guys' chances with her. Fuck you, Herbie! You were a lot cooler back in the '70s, man. I really wish Matt Dillon had wiped his ass on Herbie's upholstery and then proceeded to rape Lindsay Lohan – I just couldn't sympathize with either of the two. Hell, I think the "villain" actually had a point in hating Herbie and that he should have won the race!

Does this movie have any redeeming characteristics, you ask? Well, it wasn't the Judge Dredd kind of bad. Or 2001: A Space Travesty. Other than that, it was a very disappointing attempt at reviving a classic and an indication of the fact that soon Michael Keaton will probably only be seen in SciFi originals.